A Day in the [Glamorous] Life Of Me

The Good

Holidays, holidays, holidays!! I know to some people my life seems like one big holiday, but think about the ridiculous early mornings, lack of sleep, customer complaints, sick people and airplane food that I have to deal with on what is pretty much a daily basis. There's no denying that it's work. BUT, that doesn't matter right now because I have holidays coming up!

Tomorrow is my last flight before leave (my first actual Annual Leave days since I joined last November) and I don't even want to go! I just want to be on holidays already! I've got an amazing 10 days lined up - heading to Montreal to meet one of my all-time favourite girls from home, spending a few days, then heading south to NEW YORK CITY and meeting up with 3 more friends. I can't wait - Times Square, Broadway shows, bagels with cream cheese for breakfast every day, bike riding through Central Park, shopping, sightseeing, stalking TV and movie sights for celeb spotting, it's going to be so great!!

Following that, I have been a busy bee planning another holiday in October, a road trip through Spain with the boy. The only problem I'm having is deciding where to go - there's just so much to see! I want to do the big cities, but I want to head off the beaten track as well and try find some nice little towns or beaches too. And we only have 2 and a half weeks to do it all. But we're working on it, even if we can't get everywhere I'm sure it will be beautiful - and hopefully not too cold!

Friends. Seeing the boyfriend and my besties from home has really put me on a high this month. It's been so great to feel like I don't have two separate lives - my Adelaide one and my Dubai one - instead the two have seemed to be meeting somewhere in the middle (or Europe, anyway). Once again this week, I planned to spend a day in London with a crazy old workmate from home who's spent the last 4 months travelling Europe. Was great to hear all her stories and the places she's been - there were a lot of both! And now I have my holiday with another close friend rapidly approaching, it is just making me smile to appreciate the good and seriously lucky aspects of my life.

The Bad
Delays. After my delay on my London flight when I was late to meet my friends from home, I was fairly annoyed at life. That was a 2 hour delay.

My first flight this week was relatively on-time, well it would have been if we hadn't had to circle to wait for the police cars to get to the gate before the aircraft. Apparently there were a couple of guys on board that weren't entirely welcome in the UK, and as a result the plane was met at the gate by cops. We were instructed to keep all passengers seated on landing, but not to let anyone know what was happening as it would have caused a bit of panic. Damn right it caused panic, I almost had a heart attack! We weren't told the details of why they were detained, but of course the imagination (particularly mine, which is overactive at the best of times) runs wild in these types of situations. They could have simply been on parole and left the country a day too early. Or they could have been the scourge of the earth. It is times like that when you realise that a) people are fairly vulnerable when contained inside a metal tube, no matter how big it looks on ground, and b) 40,000 feet is a long way up. For the first time ever, I was nervous on landing. Nothing happened, and even when the police came on board with their ridiculously intimidating bullet-proof vests, taking the 'questionable gentlemen's' passports and ordering them off the plane, the two guys they were talking to were completely calm and polite. They were actually quite well-mannered the whole flight, very quiet and civil. Guess you never can tell!

My 2nd flight this week - another London - experienced more delays. As soon as the crew boarded the plane, the captain announced that there was a tech problem. I cringed. The flight deck turned into a sweaty sardine can as engineers crammed themselves in, trying to fix whatever the problem was. Eventually it was fixed, and we boarded the passengers. Halfway through boarding, the tech problem reared its ugly head again. We were forced to sit on ground, fully boarded with an almost-full flight, for nearly 2 hours. Then it was decided that the tech problem was too unpredictable - going away, coming back again - and that we would not be able to fly that aircraft. We had to change. Passengers disembarked, not very happy obviously. Crew weren't very happy either, believe me! But we didn't have much choice - see, this is work, remember? So we had to wait. Catering trucks had to come, take out everything that had been loaded on the inoperative aircraft, and move it to the new one. Blankets and headsets had to be moved. Kids toys, bars and everything from all the galleys. It took another 2 hours on ground, with the crew sitting in an aircraft that had no air conditioning without the engines on. Lucky it was only 45 degrees outside! Eventually, we got off the ground. The flight itself was not so bad, and considering they'd been delayed 5 hours and most of them had missed connecting flights / trains / boats, the passengers were all relatively happy. Guess they understand the safety risks of flying with a technical problem - like I said before, 40,000 feet is a long way up.

The Downright Ridiculous
On ONE turnaround last week - less than five hours of flying - I had a series of incidents that explain why my friends never want to fly with me. I am a gigantic, walking, talking, sarcastic freak magnet.

The first passenger.

"Excuse me. I have to ease myself. Do you have a cup?"
**NOTE: To 'ease oneself' is to go to the bathroom**

"A cup? Errr, would you prefer to use the washroom?"

"No. Give me a cup."

The facing-my-jumpseat passenger.

An old lady doesn't speak much English, but manages to convey on take-off that she is feeling sick. I get her a spew bag, show her to the bathroom, offer her water or lemonade but she is fasting for Ramadan and won't take it, despite the allowance that you are not required to fast if you are either travelling or ill, never mind both. She is trying to tell me something, but I'm not sure what it is at first. First? Yes, first. She wants to be upgraded to first class because she is not feeling well, that is what she is trying to tell me. Never mind business class, she's heading straight for first where the air is going to magically soothe her nausea. I tell her that she is welcome to upgrade, if she wants to pay the difference in cost between economy and first - there are seats available. Suddenly, she drinks a lemonade and feels much better.

As soon as I take my jumpseat opposite her for landing, she is fanning herself again, huffing and puffing and wriggling in her seat. Eventually she goes for the vom bag. We sit. We wait. The anticipation is killing me as I hope her aim is good - I don't want any of her insides on my shoes.

Touchdown.

Just when I thought I'd made it, standing up to disarm my door, I heard it. The roar of the jungle beast concealed within a little old lady, RARRRRR. RARR. The rush for the paper bag. The shuffling of feet as people tried to get as far away as possible from her on their way to the door. RARRRR.

So anyway, it was fine and I'm pretty sure she didn't even bring anything up - one of the positive side effects (for me, at least) of Ramadan fasting. But she did manage to put me off my food for 10 whole minutes so I was very displeased with her; I'd offered to let her go to the bathroom during taxi and everything. But no, she wanted to face off on my jump seat. Throwdown accepted lady, you don't scare me!! RARRRRR.

The return passenger.

"Excuse me, I need a cup."

I am instantly suspicious.

"What you need a cup for?"

"Can I have a cup."

"Do you need the bathroom?" *hopeful face*

"No. I need to take a drug."

Oops, my bad. Cup provided.

Two minutes later I notice her sitting on the floor at the rear of the plane, clicking her fingers at me (rude). She is right outside the lavatory door, pointing at it. I push it open for her and she goes in, revealing an enormous, unidentified, liquid mass on the floor right where she had been sitting. Outside the bathroom. Errr...what the?!!

It's difficult to tell what actually happened in this situation as she came out of the bathroom covered in liquid, from head to foot. It didn’t establish a stink boundary. She didn't appear too concerned or even embarrassed. Was it, or wasn't it? I guess we'll never know!

Either way, these 3 episodes in under 5 hours begs the question yet again: WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!!

Being a freak magnet sure has its days.